Well then. I don't know if I told you guys yet, but I let my mom know how I felt about religion (remember an way earlier journal with my rant?). That was a little while ago. It sucks. I typically want the people around me to be happy, so when my mom gets all quiet like she did that day, I feel like crap and that I should feel sorry. But then I remember that my mom's just manipulating me. She doesn't mean to. So for a while I was on edge and thinking that things wouldn't quite be the same between us, but eventually it cooled down. Everything was pretty much back to normal. One day I asked my mom whether I still had to go to youth group and she said she wanted me to still be connected. So that was pretty much a yes. Anyway, just by little circumstances, I haven't had to go for the few weeks following those incidents. Today though, my mom's not letting me forget. I HAVE to go. I know that I could get my way with some persuasion, but then she'll get all upset again. Possibly more upset. But really. I don't feel very comfortable in youth group and ESPECIALLY during worship. -mini rant- I can't stand worship. Everyone is expected to sing and I swear it lasts like half an hour, just stupid repetitive songs. If someone sees you not singing, you can almost feel their judgmental thoughts. But what made singing the act of worshiping god? I can see where there might be a few passages where god commands people to worship him through song, but really there are SO many other commands that the church ignores. And there's some weird stuff in the bible too, child sacrifice type stuff (and it's not just Abraham and Isaac). Churches just argue that it's the context you need to look at, but maybe worship through song isn't necessary and is taken out of context. -I'm done- But uh yeah I think my mom wants me to keep going so she'll feel like I still have hope. Sigh I guess I'll just sit like a log for two hours. At least I'll have my friend with me. I just ugh really am not looking forward to this.

One more quick thing, I hate academic pressure. "You got a 4 on the AP test not a 5!?!" I think that's been everyone's first response. Even if it's a joke, I don't find it very funny.